Making a list and checking it twice

Tomorrow the Assembly will vote on the constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage and civil unions so I'm sure we'll start hearing again that we have to do this because the Bible says so.

The crowd that tries to cloak their hatred with Jesus has always been a strange group to me. To invoke Jesus' name to promote hatred means you believe if he were alive in our time he would be more like Pat Robertson than Mother Theresa. Reading about Jesus and his examples makes it hard to come to this conclusion, but they do.

Jesus rejected the purity codes and rules that many use today to prop up their own fears and hatred of homosexuals. These rules also call for an "eye for an eye" justice system but Jesus refutes that in Matthew by calling on people to turn the other cheek. Is it not possible, possible, that he refuted the rest too and no one wrote it down?

Not even possible you say? Well, then here is the partial list of rules everyone voting for the amendment tomorrow must check themselves against. If you are free from all of the following, then you are truly living the Vida Leviticus baby and can vote yes without guilt.

No shellfish and pork

No cutting sideburns or trimming beards

No crossbreeding animals or plants so make sure you have not planted two different types of plant next to each other in your garden

And speaking of plants, you better hope no fruit you have ever eaten has come from a tree in the first three years it existed

No polyester or cotton blends

Circumcision is a must

Adultery is a big, big no that is punishable by death

No loans with interest

No sale of foods for profit

You better have done your best to keep people that are physically challenged out of the church

No tattoos

And the animal sacrifices that I am sure you have failed to perform are too many to count